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Barbara Scoville, LCSW

~ Cultivating Resilience

Barbara Scoville, LCSW

Monthly Archives: December 2012

Nobody is Perfect, But Anyone Can be a Pioneer of Peace

30 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Pioneers of Peace

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Tags

Eleanor Roosevelt, Fred Roger, Huntsman Cancer Institute, Mother Theresa, Plato, United Press International

Mother Theresa

Mother Theresa

Victor Frankl

Victor Frankl

Throughout my life, I have been inspired by many people who have made their mark on history. Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Victor Frankl, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Fred Rogers top my list.  I have had the naïve habit of putting these individuals on pedestals, believing that somehow they were immune to human frailty.

Plato

Plato

One day I was driving to work, feeling inadequate in comparison to such great minds, when it occurred to me that Plato, brilliant as he was, was still only a man. He was only a man with ideas that many assume are great, simply because they are penned by “Plato.” As silly as it sounds, it gave me a great sense of relief to think of him as a normal person with whom I might have a conversation somewhere in time. That insight protected me from later disillusionment as I learned about the shortcomings of many whom I admire.

I think it’s interesting that we often ignore the blemishes of those with notoriety, but are willing to spotlight the faults of those we know personally. It is impossible for anyone to be perfect, but there is plenty of room in each of us to do great things; and being human and making mistakes does not cancel out the good. There are many who walk among us who are heroes and pioneers of peace.

I would like to share a story about two pioneers of peace who have touched my life for the good.

As some of you know, my husband suffers from cancer.  It has been a two and a half year journey that we did not choose, but nevertheless have traveled.  After his initial treatment, the cancer stayed at bay until it resurfaced in October 2012.  Though we knew it was expected, the realization that it had actually happened was very difficult to accept. After receiving the dreaded news, we were invited to attend a “Tumor Board,” where several experts in the field joined together to develop a treatment plan. The decision was radiation, but before proceeding, he needed to have a bone scan, and a CT scan to make sure the cancer hadn’t spread beyond the point that radiation could be effective. The tests were scheduled for the next day at 11:00 am and we left the hospital. I took my husband to lunch at the “Blue Lemon.”  It was his first time there. We both had raspberry chicken salads and processed the new information.

Blue Lemon

The next day was pivotal. I had a full schedule and didn’t feel comfortable taking another day off, so I went to work. I saw my 8:00 appointment and my 9:00 appointment, and at 10:00, I saw a couple. At 11:00 the wife of that couple left, and I saw the husband for an individual session.  Before leaving, she told her husband she was going to pick up lunch and then come back to pick him up. During the hour between 11:00 and 12:00, I knew the tests were being performed and my heart was heavy. Despite the weight of the hour, the session was good and I was glad to be of service.  At noon the session was over.  We walked together out into the waiting room where his wife was standing, holding a take-out bag from the “Blue Lemon.” With a smile on her face she said, “I brought you lunch. It’s a raspberry chicken salad and butternut squash soup.”  She had no idea the significance that held.  Touched, I accepted the lunch and thanked her, barely able to keep my composure.

IMG_0840The three of us walked back into my office and the husband, looking at my painting, said, “You really like Asia don’t you?” I said, “Yes I do.” Then he said, “You might be interested in what I’m going to do next weekend.” I said, “Really, what are you going to do?” He said, “I’m running a marathon for the Huntsman Cancer Institute.  We are going to be wearing Tibetan prayer flags, and after the race, the flags are going to be taken to Nepal, where they will be placed in the ground at the base of Mt. Everest.” I was stunned, but not as stunned as when he said, “Guess what the name of the marathon is? It’s called, ‘Radiating Hope’, get it? Radiating Hope…radiation?” I felt the floor leave my feet and I said, “Thank you for doing that.  There are people very close to me who have cancer.” I thanked them again for lunch and we said good-bye.

That day, I had two “pioneers of peace” grace my life.  They had no idea what I was experiencing, and that’s the miracle of it.  Their kindness carried me on that length of my journey, and I will be forever grateful. Their contribution was as great as anything Plato ever said, and that’s my point. There is greatness in us all, and we can do significant things. Pioneers of Peace choose peace through kindness, service, and building up; making a conscious choice not to tear down. Remember, small acts of kindness are more powerful than the time it takes to perform them. As one who is the recipient of such kindness, I can say my heart is full to capacity thanks to those who “walked and not just talked.”

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Twenty Minutes Worth Watching … Jill Bolte Taylor “Stroke of Insight”

15 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Pioneers of Peace

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December 14, 2012 … A very sad day in history.

14 Friday Dec 2012

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Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW | Filed under Life Mastery Skills, Pioneers of Peace

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Welcome to My Blog … a little about me

07 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Uncategorized

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Hi! My name is Barbara Scoville and I am a licensed clinical social worker, practicing psychotherapy in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Over the years I have learned some amazing skills that have rocked both my world, and those of my clients. Often people say to me, “Wow! I wish I would have known that a long time ago,” or “This sure would help my mother, or my brother, or my friend…but they would never go to therapy.”

For a long time I have had the same frustration. I know there are a lot of people suffering, who would feel so much better if they understood some basic principles of emotion, and had the skills to manage them. Not only that, but I’m so passionate about my job that I am continually studying and learning new things which I am just bursting at the seams to share.

I have created this blog to both teach, and share my passion. The transformative power of compassion in action fascinates me and as part of this blog, I look forward to highlighting people who have exemplified that in their lives.

Let me make one thing clear. I am not the Sage on the Stage. I love the line from an Emily Dickinson poem, “I am nobody. Who are you? Are you nobody too?” My point is, I am a normal person who has chosen to study and learn a lot about well being, and I would love to share it in this blog, friend to friend, fellow traveler in the universe, to fellow traveler in the universe. And yes, I am kind of an old hippie.

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Definition of Pioneer of Peace

07 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Pioneers of Peace, Resilience

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Activism and Peace Work, Fred Rogers, Nelson Mandela, Peace, Self-esteem

Definition: Pioneer of Peace 1. One who walks a path cleared by love  2. One who walks; not just talks  

Ten years ago I had a dream. In the dream I heard a poem in which the phrase “pioneer of peace” kept repeating itself over and over. When I woke up, I knew the dream was more than a dream

The message was, “Choose peace through kindness and service; always building up, and never tearing down.”

Small acts of kindness are more powerful than the time it takes to perform them. Many times in my practice I see how de-stabilizing mean spirited-ness and sharp words are.  Long after the person who said the offending words has forgotten he said them, the recipient is still agonizing over them.  The impact has far-reaching effects and is a major contributor to low self-esteem, depression and anxiety.

Becoming a pioneer of peace means choosing not to contribute to a world in which cynicism and demeaning behavior have become spotlighted in popular culture. A pioneer of peace chooses hope and compassion, and looks for opportunities to uplift others.  I am a pioneer of peace (lower case). Fred Rogers, Nelson Mandela, and Mother Theresa are Pioneers of Peace (upper case).

My invitation to you; is to walk with me.

 

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One of the Most Powerful Skills I Know

07 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills

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Breathe

If I was on a desert island and granted one skill to survive, it would be 123-pause-321. In all seriousness this is the most valuable skill I teach my clients.  It is very simple…so simple that my clients say “Really Barbara? Can’t you give me something better than this?” My answer to that is … Wasn’t it Leonardo Davinci who said simplicity is the ultimate sophistication?  Mr. Roger’s (my hero) was fond of repeating the quote, “Deep and simple is far more essential than shallow and complex”. Keeping that in mind let me explain how the skill works.

  1. Breathing from your belly, INHALE.  If you are not experienced in belly breathing, try this.  Place your hands on your belly and breathe.  If you are belly breathing, your hands will rise and fall with each breath. Keep practicing until you get it down.
  2. While inhaling, slowly count to 3. It’s best if you count inside your mind, because its hard to inhale and talk at the same time.  Besides, you can practice this skill at anytime and in any place, and it may not be socially appropriate to count out loud.
  3. After counting to 3, take a pause for one count.  That means hold your breath for one count.
  4. Then exhale, slowly counting down 3,2,1
  5. Repeat several times. You’d be surprised how many times you can practice this in just one or two minutes.
  6. Practice this several times a day. Remember practice makes perfect.  When I was learning this skill, I would practice it along with other daily rituals like brushing my teeth and driving to work.

This skill is useful in reducing anxiety and improving overall well-being … More later on why it works in Emotion School.  For now just trust me and practice.

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Managing Worry is Like Making Applesauce

07 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills

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This slideshow requires JavaScript.






Skill #2    The Worry Solution

The “Worry Solution” is a skill to use when you feel overwhelmed by a problem. We know rationally worrying doesn’t help, and is not an effective method for solving a problem, yet we do it anyway. The following is a solution to transport you from paralyzing worry to progressive problem solving.

1.  In considering your problem, decide what you have power over and what you don’t.

2.  What you don’t have control over, place in the “Powerless Basket”, and SHELF IT. Leave it alone! You are wasting precious energy that can be used more effectively.  Stop the leak!

3.  Place what you do have control over in “The Power Basket.” Now direct your energy to effectively solving the problem. You will find amazing results when you focus your effort on the things you do have control over.

4.  Ask yourself: What would I rather spend my money on? Swamp property or prime real estate in Manhattan?  If you chose Manhattan property, you will focus on what you have power over and leave what you don’t behind.

5.  Remember, this is a skill. It is something that needs to be practiced over and over and over. As with all skills, what you practice becomes internalized and part of who you are.

Imagine your problem being a box of apples that needs to be made into applesauce.  Drop your problem into the food strainer and watch the things you can’t control come out into the waste bowl, and what you do have control over, come out into the applesauce bowl. Take the waste and either throw it away or put it in the garden for compost, and then eat the delicious applesauce.

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