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Barbara Scoville, LCSW

~ Pioneers of Peace™

Barbara Scoville, LCSW

Monthly Archives: January 2013

Wednesday’s Words Of Wisdom

30 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Resilience, The Optimism Corner

≈ Leave a comment

Nature

Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.
Napoleon Hill

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Weekly Wellness Check-in

28 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills, Resilience, Wellness

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Exercise, health, Mental health, Quality of life

dragonfly_green

Indicator #3

 I exercise regularly

aerobic-exercise

“Weekly Wellness Check-in” is an ongoing weekly post appearing on Mondays, in which I  present one indicator from a checklist of positive mental health attributes. Take a look at the indicator and think about how it applies to you, keeping in mind it is an important factor of well-being. We all excel at some things, and need to work on others. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10; One, meaning I am a failure at this, and ten, meaning I have no room for improvement. Nobody may record a 1 or a 10 because there are no failures, and nobody is perfect.  If you are happy with where you placed yourself, consider the indicator a strength.  If you aren’t, think about a “realistic” place you would like to get to and how you might carry it out. My hope is that you will give it some gentle thought. I’d love to hear your tips on how to make each a strength in the comment section.

Previous weeks…

Indicator #1  I get a good night’s sleep so I feel healthy and alert

Indicator #2  I eat healthy foods to promote health and well being

Wellness

Wellness

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Destination: REAL

27 Sunday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills, Resilience

≈ 5 Comments

Get Real!

Are you for real?

Be Real.

Really?

“Where is she going with this?” you might ask. Well, last week I heard two comments that caught my attention and gave me pause to think. One was, “I just want to be real,” and the second was, “I don’t know if he is being real with me.”

“Interesting,” I thought. “These are words I hear so often that their meaning is taken for granted; but “What exactly do they mean?” In my mind’s eye I saw two images.

The first was of a person unzipping the suit he was wearing and letting it fall to the ground. After the suit fell to the ground a new suit unzipped, and it too fell to the ground. This went on and on until the person was left standing in simple clothes, radiating authenticity, wearing his “real” self.

The second image was of one person looking at another, struggling to find some evidence of trust, but only seeing a wall. The wall was missing a few bricks making it possible to catch a few glimpses, but never fully revealing what was truly behind the wall.

How would you answer the question: “What does it mean to be ‘real’?”

As Mr. Roger’s was fond of saying, “Take 10 seconds and think about it…I’ll watch the clock.”

images

I asked several people what being real means to them, and here are some of their responses:

Being true to who you are, being congruent, having integrity-what you believe is how you act

Being genuine-what others see and hear is really what you think, without hurting people

Turning off the filters for the audience

Seeing what is occurring in your life without “writing stories” (making up truths -about people or events)

Figuring out who you really are and being that person wherever you are, no matter who you’re with.

Genuine

Authentic

Doesn’t mean you have to voice every thought and feeling. You can be discreet and still be real

Not being a social chameleon

Taking the mask or costume off

What you say is what you get

Talking about hard things openly and honestly

Facing the elephant in the room

Not getting side tracked or distracted, but focusing on the issue

Being willing to tell a friend or loved one they’re messing up

Consistency

Real-  Real life is who you are when you are in the trenches trying to survive all of the blows that come your way. It means making big mistakes and it means doing incredible things – both without anyone there to see and knowing no one will ever know or see. It means crying and it means laughing.. and sometime yelling! 🙂  It means, to me, imperfection and accepting it. Being true to your values and beliefs

I’m not sure. Make a list of what’s real and what’s not, so you can see the difference.

Great answers everyone!  Thanks for your input 😀  Nancy, Rich, Mike, Ben, Bruce, Cara, Richy, and others

Be-Real-and-True-to-Yourself-Arthurs-Blog-Arthur-Tymos-540x281

Anderson Cooper said, “I think you have to be yourself, and you have to be real and you have to admit what you don’t know, and talk about what you do know, and talk about what you don’t know as long as you say you don’t know it.”

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My thoughts on being “real.” As infants we start off being real, and somehow get “lost in the forest” trying to find ourselves.  While developing our identities we try on different personalities and interests, but sometimes forget we are working on creating ourselves; not a mirror of the others we know. While it is natural to adopt traits of people we admire, when we base our identities largely on others and what they think… if they leave, where does that leave us? Sadly, we could be left asking, “Who am I, and where am I?” The journey to becoming “real” ends in the destination, which is our birthright. I believe we all have within us a Self; a longing to emerge, to become congruent with what we show the world, and to make a contribution which is uniquely our own. All of the responses listed above are evidence of being on the right path.

To be yourself you must know yourself, which is always a work in progress. If you have any question about your identity, start by saying: I am a son/daughter of my parents, a granddaughter to my grandparents, a sibling, a pet owner, a niece, a nephew, an aunt, an uncle, a friend, a partner, a Jew, a Mormon, a Catholic. I am a dancer, a writer, a reader, a piano player, a hiker, a builder, a runner, a gardener, a cook, a mechanic, a mom, a dad, a quilter, a woodcarver, a traveler etc… get the idea?

Then you can go a little deeper and say…I’m a caregiver, a dreamer, a problem solver, a healer, a learner, a  risk-taker, an adventurer, an artist, a listener, a leader, a follower.  Keep adding to your list and it will reveal a good picture of who you are.

And finally…

The Shaker Hymn “Simple Gifts” says it well…

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right, 
  ‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain’d, 
  To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,
To turn, turn will be our delight, 
  Till by turning, turning we come ’round right.

6 Guidelines for being “REAL”

1. Be Yourself

images2. Think Your Own Thoughts

tard3. Follow Your Heart

follow_your_heart__by_abiiii_x4. Allow Other’s to Be Themselves

respect5. Speak Your Truth; Nothing More and Nothing Less

Speak-your-truth6. Act on Your Dreams

imagesI would love it if you would contribute your thoughts on being “real” by pressing the comment button in the upper right hand corner of this post, and if you are enjoying my blog please like it on Facebook and share it with your friends. Shine on 😀 

–Barbara

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Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom

23 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Candle-Shapes-candles-14113290-1024-768

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Weekly Wellness Check-in: Indicator #2

21 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Resilience, Wellness

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, health, Mental health, Monday, Quality of life, well being, wellness, Wellness Check

dragonfly_green

Indicator #2

I eat healthy foods to promote health and well being

healthy-food-and-nutrition

“Weekly Wellness Check-in” is an ongoing weekly post appearing on Mondays, in which I  present one indicator from a checklist of positive mental health attributes. Take a look at the indicator and think about how it applies to you, keeping in mind it is an important factor of well-being. We all excel at some things, and need to work on others. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10; One, meaning I am a failure at this, and ten, meaning I have no room for improvement. Nobody may record a 1 or a 10 because there are no failures, and nobody is perfect.  If you are happy with where you placed yourself, consider the indicator a strength.  If you aren’t, think about a “realistic” place you would like to get to and how you might carry it out. My hope is that you will give it some gentle thought. I’d love to hear your tips on how to make each a strength in the comment section.

From last week…

Indicator #1  I get a good night’s sleep so I feel healthy and alert

Wellness

Wellness

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“Mrs. Roosevelt,You’re an Inspiration” Pioneer of Peace

19 Saturday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Pioneers of Peace, Resilience

≈ 6 Comments


Mrs. Roosevelt, You’re an Inspiration!

When I close my eyes and think of Eleanor Roosevelt many images roll through my mind.

First I see her as a privileged lonely child. Unattractive by her mother’s standards she was taught her only hope was to have good manners.

I see her longing for the attention of her father, who was the only one in her childhood who treated her like a princess. He made a promise to take her to the Taj Mahal one day, but died of alcoholism when she was 10. Her mother passed away two years earlier from diphtheria.

images

I see her being raised by a strict grandmother in a dangerous home with violent drunken uncles, and then sent off to Allenswood Academy in London to not only become educated, but to keep her safe from harm.

I see her coming alive at Allenswood, where she learned to speak French, along with being encouraged to develop both her personal voice and social conscience.

I see her falling in love with and marrying her distant cousin Franklin D. Roosevelt and having six children

images

I see her as a very shy, fearful woman who overcame her weaknesses one by one, facing them square in the eye.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

When asked by her husband to tour an asylum for shell-shocked war vets she was terrified, but went despite the voices in her head telling her to run and escape while she could. Instead she put one foot in front of the other and talked to the men, learning quickly her fears were unjustified.

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I see her bravely resigning from the “Daughters of the American Revolution” when they refused to allow African-American opera contralto, Marian Anderson to sing in Constitution Hall.  Later Mrs. Roosevelt arranged for her to sing at the Lincoln Memorial in which 75,000 people of all races and color attended together. Mrs. Roosevelt was absent from the crowd because she did not want her presence to overshadow Marian Anderson’s performance.

images

I see her compassion as she met face to face with the poor, listening to their stories and concerns and acting to help, using not only her political power, but strength of character and conviction to reduce suffering of all kinds.

I see her championing de-segregation and fighting for equality for all.

I see her driving to a civil rights workshop right through ‘Klu Klux Clan” territory, with a pistol on the seat next to her.

“ The day before she’s supposed to go, the FBI contacts her and says, “Mrs. Roosevelt, we can’t guarantee your safety. The Klan’s put a bounty on your head, a $25,000 bounty on your head. We can’t protect you. You can’t go.” Eleanor says, “I didn’t ask for your protection. I appreciate the warning. I have a commitment. I’m going.” Vernon Jarrett

EleanorRooseveltPacking-1 

I see her in endless debates as the United States delegate to The United Nations in which she eventually drafted “The Universal Declaration of Human Rights.” What a sense of accomplishment she must have felt.

Take a minute to read it. It is powerful and timely.

http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/index.shtml

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I see her as the author of several books including:

“This Troubled World,” “My Days,” “The Moral Basis of Democracy,” “On My Own,” “Ladies of Courage,” “Growing Toward Peace,” “You Learn by Living,” “Tomorrow is Now”

I LOVE this book!!!

I LOVE this book!!!

While studying for this blog post, I watched hours of video portraying Eleanor Roosevelt’s life. More often than not she was wearing a hand knit sweater, and knitting while she carried on conversation. That confirmed it! I knew I was drawn to her for a reason. She is a “Kindred Spirit.”

images

I see her fulfilling her dream of visiting the Taj Mahal before her death in 1962

taj-mahalEleanor Roosevelt was a “Pioneer of Peace.” She had a painful childhood, suffered from depression throughout her life, and lived with her husband’s infidelity. Despite it all, she was passionate about learning and a lover of humanity. She deeply believed in equality and social justice and overcame her shyness to take on some of the most difficult challenges of her day in a very public way. The FBI kept a thick file on her, the Klu Klux Clan had a $25,000.00 bounty on her head, and she received constant criticism and mockery for her bold pursuit of what she believed to be right.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Later in life she allowed advertisers to use her good name to sell their products, in order to earn additional funds for all of her many causes. She is the epitome of “Walking, Not Just Talking.” Her life and work is inspiring on so many levels and her example motivates a desire to have the courage to “Be the Change You Want to See in the World.” Ghandi

“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it. ”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor-Roosevelt

              “It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”Eleanor Roosevelt

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Pioneer of Peace: 1)One who walks a path cleared by love 2)One who walks; not just talks

19 Saturday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Pioneers of Peace

≈ Leave a comment

images

This video makes me want to be a better person. I hope you’ll take a little over 7 minutes to watch it and see what’s right in the world.

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Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom

16 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Mindfulness, Resilience, Wellness

≈ Leave a comment

marvellous-blue-violet-lillie-close-up

“One very important aspect of motivation is the willingness to stop and to look at things that no one else has bothered to look at. This simple process of focusing on things that are normally taken for granted is a powerful source of creativity.”

Edward de Bono

Can you find the bird in this picture?

Can you find the bird in this picture?

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Weekly Wellness Check-in: Indicator #1

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Resilience, Wellness

≈ Leave a comment

dragonfly_greenDo you spend too much time focusing on what’ s wrong? Wouldn’t you prefer to direct your attention to what’s right and good? Me too!

Someone once said, “At any given time, there is more right with you than there is wrong with you.” I have always agreed with this statement and find when people focus on their strengths, the energy to correct what is wrong manifests itself. *note: If anyone knows the author of this quote, please let me know and I will give due credit.

Years ago I wearied of the pathology driven treatment models for counseling and adopted a strengths-based, positive psychology approach.  Doing this was not easy because at the time there was very little information from which to draw.  There were books and books about what was wrong, but very little about what constituted well-being. Finally after an exhaustive search, I found a list of indicators; evidence pointing towards what represents a mentally healthy individual. I then created a questionnaire containing those indicators along with other questions, and began administering it to my clients. People generally love it because very few know what constitutes good mental health, other than just being happy.

“Weekly Wellness Check-in” will be an ongoing weekly post, most likely appearing on Mondays, in which I will present one indicator of positive mental health. Take a look at it, and think about how it applies to you, keeping in mind that it is an important factor of well-being. We all do well at some things, and need to work on others. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10; One, meaning I am a failure at this, and ten, meaning I have no room for improvement. Guess what folks? Nobody may record a 1 or a 10 because there are no failures, and nobody is perfect.  If you are happy with where you placed yourself, you can consider the indicator a strength.  If you aren’t, think about a “realistic” place you would like to get to and how you might accomplish it. My wish is that you will give it some gentle thought and not overwhelm yourself with setting unrealistic high expectations.

QiIndicator #1

I get a good night’s sleep so I feel healthy and alert

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Deep Purple Smoothie

13 Sunday Jan 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Recipes, Wellness

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

fresh fruits and vegetables, health, Smoothie

Image

The connection between food and well-being has always been fascinating to me. Growing up in the 70’s placed me at the dawn of a health food awakening in the United States. Those of us who ate granola, yogurt, and fresh fruits and vegetables were in the minority compared to those who saw industrialized products as revolutionary, mainly because  of their convenience. There was something “cool” about eating the whole food, rather than the canned varieties that were present on most nightly dinner tables. In many ways it was a cultural preference, originating from health roots but having very little to do with any health benefits. My husband remembers me sharing fresh zucchini strips, cheese, and whole wheat crackers with him soon after we met. It made a real impression on him because he had never had anything like that before. Sad huh…well that was the 70’s

In the past couple of years information about the importance of whole foods has exploded, and we are in the midst of a “real food” revolution” in which we have scientific evidence proving the value of paying attention to what we eat. We now know that to be well balanced physically and emotionally, we must feed our bodies the nutrients they need to thrive; and there are serious consequences if we don’t. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and cancer can often trace their origins to poor diet and sedentary lifestyles, and to some degree can be cured, or at least managed by the same.

So why is it so hard to choose nutrient dense over nutrient void? There are multiple ways our brains are hardwired to survive, and they trick our thinking. For example: More is better than less, and sweet and salty are the flavors that provide what we need.  I know, I know; I need chocolate like I need water, but that’s another story for another time.  As with other survival instincts, what served us in primitive times hurts us in modern times. Fortunately, over the ages our brains have developed the ability to reason; we need to use it, or lose it.

images

“You are What You Eat” is true. You can either eat foods that balance your chemistry, create an inhospitable environment for disease, improve mental acuity and overall well-being, or you can soothe yourself with fatty, sweet, and salty delicacies that will make you feel good in the moment, but in the long run, if overdone, cause you harm. Because I am on a crusade to banish black and white thinking, enjoying decadent food on occasion is not a bad thing, and if consumed as the exception rather than the rule, can greatly improve quality of life.  My suggestion is to find healthy foods that are elegant and flavorful; and that is how you can have your cake and eat it too 😀

What follows is my recipe for a smoothie that contains your entire daily fruit and vegetable requirement. Try it. You won’t believe how something so good, can be so good.

DSC_0028

Deep Purple Smoothie

1 Cup Vanilla Soy Milk

2 Cups Fresh Baby Spinach

1 Peeled Cutie Mandarin Orange

3/4 Cup Blueberries or Pitted Cherries (frozen are great)

Small Handful (1/3 cup?) of Baby carrots

1 Tsp. Ground Cinnamon

1 Tsp. Honey

In a blender, combine ingredients in the order listed and blend until smooth.

DSC_0030

Bon Appetit!

For some impressive facts about the power of food, take ten minutes and watch the Ted Talk below. it really is worth watching

Here is a link to an article that I found both empowering and motivating

The Way of the Healthy Person

http://experiencelife.com/article/the-way-of-the-healthy-person/

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