Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
Dale Carnegie
Quote for the Day
09 Wednesday Jan 2013
Posted in Uncategorized
Monthly Archives: January 2013
Is Perception Everything? The Answer is Yes and No
06 Sunday Jan 2013
Posted in Emotion School, Life Mastery Skills, Resilience, The Optimism Corner
If you’re like me, you have seen this picture many times. I think I first saw it in high school and that was many years ago. For those of you who somehow missed it, the picture is an optical illusion. Depending on how you look at it you will see either an old hag or the profile of a beautiful woman. In every class it was shown, the teacher or professor was trying to prove that “perception is everything.” As a new therapist I thought that was really cool. I am embarrassed to admit that I used it as a diagnostic tool, thinking it would give me insight into the inner workings of my new clients. I learned something very interesting, but not what I expected. Fifty percent of the people who were coming to see me for depression initially saw the old hag, and fifty per cent saw the beautiful woman. The same was true for those who came to see me for life coaching; it was fifty, fifty. The picture was completely useless, so I tossed that idea and went back to a more conventional interviewing style.
A couple of years ago I came upon the picture again. This time I had a different experience, and it was a light bulb moment! While perception is important, there is a deeper lesson to be learned from the old sketch: both images are in the same picture. “Wow!” I thought, “Now that is something to ponder.”
It is a truism in life that you have to take the bad with the good, and the good with the bad. There is duality in all things right down to the cellular level. Some examples of this are: “Yea! The guy I’ve been dreaming about asked me on a date… but he wants to go to a horror film, and I hate horror films.” Or, “I love chocolate cake, but hate the calories.” Conversely; “I abhor driving in the snow, but I’m happy it is snowing in the mountains, providing much needed water for the coming spring.” Or, “I dread going to the dentist, but taking care of my teeth is important to my overall health.”
In my office, I have heard versions of this statement numerous times: “Yes I’m depressed, but I’m more realistic than people who aren’t.” Au contraire my friend; not true. People who say this are implying that their depression allows them to see the negative side of things, which others can’t, and somehow this makes them more informed. That may be true, but I say, “If you are only looking at the negative side of things, you are not seeing the ‘whole picture’.” To truly be accurate you have to look at both sides, because they sit side by side or are entwined just like the sketch of the old hag and the beautiful woman. You can choose to focus on the negative, but that doesn’t mean the positive doesn’t exist; and you can choose to focus on the positive, but that doesn’t mean the negative doesn’t exist.
Certainly it is more balanced to look at the whole picture; but given a choice, there is plenty of evidence proving that looking on the bright side is better for your overall health. You do the math. Positive means to add. Negative means to take away. Which do you prefer?
Tip: If you are having trouble seeing anything positive, you might be in the “habit” of only looking at the negative. You can change this by: 1) Proactively looking for the positive until you find it. 2) After finding it; write it down, because writing it down reinforces the positive in your mind.
You might feel awkward to begin with but before you know it, your brain will get the hang of it. Soon you will discover it getting easier and easier and your mood will begin to lift.
Happy New Year!
01 Tuesday Jan 2013
Posted in Mindfulness
Crackers, cheese ball, sour cream, fresh artisan bread, bean dip fixings, and tortilla chips are all necessities for a New Year’s Eve celebration. Along with the throngs of last minute shoppers, we made our way to the local grocery store. While there, my son saw an acquaintance from his youth who had had a well-publicized tragic childhood. He walked up to him, said “Hello,” and asked how he was doing. The man’s reply was, “Not very good. I’ve had a really hard year but tomorrow is New Year’s and I get to start all over.”
Last night shortly after the clock struck midnight, my daughter suggested we try something different and all write down our New Year’s resolutions, to be placed in a time capsule not to be opened until next New Year’s Eve. Almost everyone gave her a hard time but eventually acquiesced. The little ones were most excited about the proposition, but needed help in writing the words. I asked Dylan, age five, if he had a resolution. To my surprise, with a sparkle in his eye and a smile he quickly said, “Yes,” and before I could put pencil to paper said, “I want to be a better drawer, and play the Wii, and be good to my mom and my brother,” and almost out of breath, ended with, “And be here next year.”
The rest of us had difficulty and were resistant to put anything in writing. We have all been around too many years to commit to a New Year’s resolution, only to fail at keeping it before the end of the month. Nevertheless, we all carefully crafted general goals and resolutions, and placed them in our designated time capsule; the apothecary on my hearth.
Time Capsule
This morning I woke up and spent some time, while everyone was sleeping, reflecting on the year that had passed, and the one just beginning. My mind wandered off into the several ways I want this year to be different. “Darn,” I thought, “I’ve fallen into the trap of making New Year’s resolutions,” when I realized, a New Year’s resolution is nothing more than our “higher selves” trying to make contact with (for lack of a better term) our “lower selves.” There is a part of us that knows what’s in our best interest and will bring us the most joy, but life has a way of creating static, disrupting that vital connection.
Static is made up of many things; too much doing and not enough being; listening to the world and not trusting our inner voice; interpreting constructive feedback as criticism; involving ourselves in mindless activity and not developing our minds through learning; neglecting our bodies’ needs, such as sleep and exercise; not taking time to cultivate meaningful relationships; overlooking the power of gratitude, and in my case, falling subject to the comfort center of my brain that loves sweet and salty delicacies (Swedish Fish, to be specific).
My hope for all in 2013, is that we may clear the static that prevents us from being our true selves, by living in the “now” and being available to listen to our own inner voices that will ultimately align us with our goals and aspirations.
Happy New Year Everyone!
