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Barbara Scoville, LCSW

~ Cultivating Resilience

Barbara Scoville, LCSW

Monthly Archives: March 2013

Mindful Cat

31 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Mindfulness

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Kitten, Mindfulness, Sitting meditation

loving-cat

Mindful Cat

Long ago there lived a young monk who adopted a kitten.images

He was so fond of the kitten he took it wherever he went.

One day he brought the kitten to sitting mediation.

The kitten frolicked around the temple visiting the other monks who were practicing mindfulness.

At the end of the day he was told if he wanted to continue bringing the kitten to sitting meditation, he would have to tie it to the table so it would not disturb the other monks.

And so the young monk did.

For the remainder of the cat’s life, it attended sitting meditation tied to the table.

When the cat died, the young monk who was no longer young, adopted another kitten.

Kitten111

As before he brought the kitten to sitting meditation, and tied it to the table.

This went on and on until the young monk who was no longer young, died.

After his death another monk adopted a kitten.

He brought it to sitting mediation, and tied it to the table.

Many generations have passed.

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Much has been said about the virtues of having a cat present for sitting mediation.

adapted from a collection of stories told about the monk and a cat

Until next time…Shine on 🙂

Barbara

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Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom

27 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Pioneers of Peace, Quotes, Resilience

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Nelson Mandela, Peace

001122_Nelson_Mandela_t607If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.

Nelson Mandela

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Weekly Wellness Check-in

25 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills, Resilience, Wellness

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Tags

Mental health, Wellness Check

dragonfly_green

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Indicator #11

I have enough money, time, friends, space, love, fun, and affection

“Weekly Wellness Check-in” is an ongoing weekly post appearing on Mondays, in which I  present one indicator from a checklist of positive mental health attributes. Take a look at the indicator and think about how it applies to you, keeping in mind it is an important factor of well-being. We all excel at some things, and need to work on others. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10; One, meaning I am a failure at this, and ten, meaning I have no room for improvement. Nobody may record a 1 or a 10 because there are no failures, and nobody is perfect.  If you are happy with where you placed yourself, consider the indicator a strength.  If you aren’t, think about a “realistic” place you would like to get to and how you might carry it out. My hope is that you will give it some gentle thought. I’d love to hear your tips on how to make each a strength in the comment section.

Previous weeks…

Indicator #1  I get a good night’s sleep so I feel healthy and alert

Indicator #2  I eat healthy foods to promote health and well being

Indicator #3  I exercise regularly

Indicator #4  I avoid mood altering substances (unless taken as prescribed).

Indicator #5  I make time each week to engage in activities that give me pleasure

Indicator #6  I have friends and family that I can talk to whenever I need a sense of connectedness

Indicator #7  I live in a home that feels safe and nurturing

Indicator #8  I actively seek solutions for the complaints I have regarding my life, work, and school
Indicator #9  I know how to forgive myself and others who have hurt me in the past

Indicator #10  I let go of guilt for my past mistakes

Wellness

Wellness

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  • Finding Hidden Moments for Me-time (everydayfamily.com)

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The Power to Do: Energy Sucker #1

24 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills, Resilience, The Power to Do

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Action then motivation, Energy, Mental health, Motivation, Self-Help, Willpower

Meet NoMo the Suckerfish

Meet NoMo the Suckerfish

Hey Everyone, let me introduce you to NoMo (nicknamed for No Motivation) the suckerfish. NoMo’s salary comes from the commission he earns convincing  unsuspecting humans that motivation must be present for action to take place. Annually he makes a seven figure salary providing an upper class standard of living for his family. NoMo’s favorite treat is an energy drink called “HDMG” an acronym for Human Drain-My Gain, which is the byproduct sucked from human inactivity. Just look at that belly! His mother is very proud.

Let’s begin by looking at the barriers to getting things done. The first barrier I will address is the mistaken belief that motivation must be present to get things done.

Energy Sucker #1  The belief that motivation must be present to get things done

Most of us have experienced the energy we receive from motivation, and assume it is a pre-requisite for moving forward. “I’ll do it when I feel like it,” is the barometer for initiating action. Often we get super stoked about pursuing a goal but after a period of time, lose the fire. In other words, when the newness of the idea wears off, the energy leaves with it. What’s a person to do?

images

One of the biggest barriers to getting things done is the belief that we must be: motivated, feel like it, or want to accomplish whatever the task may be. It can be as simple as emptying the dishwasher or complex as getting the college degree you have always wanted.

Motivation gives us the natural energy we crave. We often assume it’s the only fuel that will run our motor. If it isn’t present, we are out of gas. 😦

images

However, there’s an alternative fuel source: Willpower, generated through self discipline.  Think of a recumbent bike or an elliptical trainer. When you position yourself on the equipment, it doesn’t turn on until you begin peddling or stepping.


Wanting to to do something is not a prerequisite for doing it!

Some times it is…ACTION, THEN MOTIVATION

Once we get moving, the energy we associate with motivation often appears 🙂

When we think about doing something, are we thinking about the effort it will require or are we thinking about the end result of obtaining our goal?

Question: How many times do we confuse ourselves, thinking that being motivated is a higher priority than actually attaining our goal?

Tip:

For the sake of conversation, let’s use cleaning out the basement as the desired goal.

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Cultivate willpower by visualizing a detailed picture of your goal.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Visualize what achieving that goal would look like, including how you and others would feel.

Spend some time embedding that picture in your mind, and feel it in every fiber of your being.

Next , MOVE and DO

Remember the magic formula for growth is: Know – Feel – Act  (FYI, yesterday I re-posted an earlier post called “Tap into Your Resilience” which explains the magic formula, Know-Feel-Act.)

Postscript: There will be times when moving…or doing does not activate motivation. During these times, recognize that achievement trumps motivation and is rewarding in and of itself.

The short video below contains some of the latest research on cultivating willpower. It’s energizing… just watch it!

Please share your tips on how to overcome lack of motivation by pressing the leave a comment button in the top right hand corner of the post. Thanks to all those who have  contributed your thoughts on other posts. Your thoughts add so much to the discussion. To read previous comments, tap the comments button in the upper right hand corner. Apparently this blog template does not allow for the comments to just show up at the bottom of the post.

Until next time…Shine on 🙂

Barbara

Bye bye NoMoNo more HDMG for you :-)

Bye bye NoMo
No more HDMG for you 🙂

RELATED ARTICLES
  • The Power to Do (barbarascovillelcsw.com)
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  • A Willpower Quotation From The Dalai Lama (renardmoreau.wordpress.com)
  • Checklist: Are you doing these five things to increase your willpower? (bakadesuyo.com)

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Tap into Your Resilience Through Life Mastery Skills

22 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills, Resilience, The Power to Do

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Life Master Skills, Mindfulness, Resilience, The Power to Do

“Bounce back from life’s challenges with greater wisdom and understanding. Empower yourself through mindfulness, improved emotional control, connectedness to others, and the ability to ride the waves of troubled times without making an already difficult situation worse.”

 

No matter what you believe about yourself, or what others have told you …you are a valuable individual, who has done the best you could do, based on your circumstances. You are a valuable individual. 

Our survival instinct drives us toward a desire to be connected to others, and to feel like we have the power to live our lives effectively.

There is a myth that says the absence of trouble or challenge is the norm, and if trouble or challenge is present, then we have done something wrong and we risk becoming damaged.

Yet the opposite is true. Challenge should be expected and accepted. Challenge engages our drive to survive by causing us to stretch to find solutions that help us maintain connection to others, as well as empower us to live our lives more effectively.

The real problem is, there is no manual or set of instructions for how to deal with challenge, which in turn results in our defaulting to instinct, information gathered from role models (healthy or unhealthy), guesswork, and most dangerously, reacting to a triggered emotional mind.

You CAN NOT blame yourself for not knowing the rules. You CAN blame yourself for hiding your head in the sand and refusing to grow.

Resilience is the process of bouncing back from challenge with greater wisdom and understanding. We can’t avoid challenge but we can improve our ability to meet challenges head on, turning them into our strengths and sources of wisdom, by using a well cultivated collection of life mastery skills.

It must also be said the other side of challenge, is peace. Balance is always the answer.

Life Mastery Skills that serve as a shock absorber to challenge, and serve to restore peace include:

Mindfulness Skills

Emotion Management Skills

People Skills

Distress Tolerance Skills

Thought Management Skills

Problem Solving and Decision Making Skills

Structure and Time Management Skills

****

Everyone has within themselves the answers to their own challenges. For some people the answers are easily accessible. To others… the answers are locked behind a door. All that is needed, is the right key. The key is simple yet priceless. It is a collection of “Life Mastery Skills.”

Depending on our life experience, some skills come naturally. Others may feel like walking up a downstairs escalator, or worse like being lost in a dark forest.

The good news is, there is nothing magic about life mastery skills. If a person chooses, they can be learned like any other skill, such as riding a bike or baking a cake.

When learning anything new, there are three simple steps:

1. Know it. Having a basic intellectual knowledge of the skill.

2. Feel it. Personalizing that intellectual knowledge, or in other words, “feel” how the skill could benefit you.

3. Practice it. Take the behavioral leap and practice, practice, practice.

When you address all three steps of learning you create a powerful combination of thinking, feeling, and acting, which looks and feels a lot like magic.

THE GOAL:

CREATE BALANCE THROUGH LIFE MASTERY SKILLS, ALLOWING YOU TO HAVE MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS, AND POWER OVER AN EFFECTIVE LIFE.

 

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Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom

20 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills, Quotes, Resilience, Wellness

≈ Leave a comment

IMG_2773

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.

Abraham Lincoln

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Weekly Wellness Check-in

18 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills, Resilience, Uncategorized, Wellness

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Guilt, Mental health, Quality of life, Wellness Check

dragonfly_greenIndicator #10

I let go of my guilt from past mistakes

Letting-Go-of-Guilt-405x278

“Weekly Wellness Check-in” is an ongoing weekly post appearing on Mondays, in which I  present one indicator from a checklist of positive mental health attributes. Take a look at the indicator and think about how it applies to you, keeping in mind it is an important factor of well-being. We all excel at some things, and need to work on others. Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10; One, meaning I am a failure at this, and ten, meaning I have no room for improvement. Nobody may record a 1 or a 10 because there are no failures, and nobody is perfect.  If you are happy with where you placed yourself, consider the indicator a strength.  If you aren’t, think about a “realistic” place you would like to get to and how you might carry it out. My hope is that you will give it some gentle thought. I’d love to hear your tips on how to make each a strength in the comment section.

Previous weeks…

Indicator #1  I get a good night’s sleep so I feel healthy and alert

Indicator #2  I eat healthy foods to promote health and well being

Indicator #3  I exercise regularly

Indicator #4  I avoid mood altering substances (unless taken as prescribed).

Indicator #5  I make time each week to engage in activities that give me pleasure

Indicator #6  I have friends and family that I can talk to whenever I need a sense of connectedness

Indicator #7  I live in a home that feels safe and nurturing

Indicator #8  I actively seek solutions for the complaints I have regarding my life, work, and school
Indicator #9  I know how to forgive myself and others who have hurt me in the past
Wellness

Wellness

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The Power to Do: The List (a.k.a The Energy Suckers)

17 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Life Mastery Skills, Resilience, The Power to Do

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Energy, Mental health, Motivation, Self-esteem, Self-Help, Time management

images

“I hate getting ready for bed!” I am so comfortable reading in my chair at night that I just don’t want to move. The next thing you know I drift off to sleep and when I wake up it’s all I can do to get myself to bed.  Washing my face and brushing my teeth is torture.”

“Homework!!! I dread doing my homework. I don’t like what I’m studying and I can’t see the point.  I’d rather be eating Oreos and playing Call of Duty.”

“Housework!!! Really? Do I have to clean the house. There are so many other things I’d rather be doing. Facing six loads of laundry and dishes piled up in the sink is so overwhelming, and not only that it would take me all day.”

“Making important phone calls!!! I hate making important phone calls. I’m afraid people will think I’m stupid and they won’t give me what I want.”

Disclaimer:  The statements I have written are a combination of my voice and others. They DO NOT represent any one person.

Fill in the blank:

I have trouble getting started_________________________________________

because__________________________________________________________.

A couple of weeks ago in preparation for this post, I asked several people to share with me what they have trouble doing or getting started on. As I looked over the different statements they made, it became clear to me, that underneath each challenge, there is host of reasons for not being able to get started…and cause lack of motivation.  

As the reasons started piling up…

080109_piling_up_of_media

I began to think about how many talk about the need for powering through lack of motivation, but rarely address the root issues (with the exception of depression) causing the lack of motivation. It occurred to me that if we understood the reasons… or barriers stopping us, we would have something to sink our teeth into and work with. 

With that, I’ve decided to slow down and explore each barrier, and I invite you to walk with me by contributing your thoughts on the subject. Thanks to those who commented on my original “Power to Do” post, dated 3/10/13. Your thoughts were insightful and helpful to all those who read them. For those of you who didn’t get a chance to read them, please take the time to do so. I’m betting you will be glad you did.

images

So far I have identified fourteen barriers to accomplishment and before I go any further, I want to list those for you, so you know where we will be heading  for the duration of this series.

The List  a.k.a. “The Energy Suckers”

sad-doggy

1. The belief that motivation has to be present to get things done

2. Fear

3. Not wanting to give up personal control

4. Not wanting to leave our comfort zone

5. Low self-esteem

6. Already feeling overwhelmed

7. Lack of skill

8. Over estimating or under estimating how long the task or achieving the goal will take

9. Depression

10. The task or goal is distasteful

11. Something in the environment makes it especially difficult

12. Indecision about what we want to do

13. Rigid thoughts

14. Perfectionism

Twitter_question_mark

If you can think of any others, let me know; but for now, ask yourself which of these  keep you from moving forward. 

Until next time… Shine On 🙂

Barbara

 

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  • Building Self-Motivation (healthylifestyleplus.com)

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Roasted Portabella and Arugula Linguini Vegan Friendly

15 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Recipes, Wellness

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

dinner, portabella mushrooms, Vegan friendly, vegetarian

Roasted Mushroom and Arugala Linguini

Roasted Portabella and Arugula Linguini

Both your body and your budget will thank you for eating this Vegan friendly dish!

Recipe

Juice of one lemon

2 cloves of garlic minced

1/4 tsp salt

2 tablespoons olive oil

4 cups baby portabella mushrooms

2 cups fresh baby arugla

1/2 cup pine nuts lightly toasted

1 box linguini

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Boil water with 1 tablespoon of salt for the linguini.  Prepare pasta as directed on the box.

Toss mushrooms in olive oil, generously sprinkling with salt and fresh cracked pepper. Spread the mushrooms out on a parchment paper lined cookie sheet, and roast in preheated oven until browned (approximately 15 minutes).

Isn't it beautiful!!!

Isn’t it beautiful!!!

In a large separate bowl, combine lemon juice, 1/4 tsp salt and minced garlic, and stir. Next put the cooked linguini in the bowl, followed by the arugala,  roasted mushrooms, and toasted pine nuts. Toss until well blended.

Enjoy!

The white in this picture is glare, but I thought it was so pretty I couldn't resist.

The white in this picture is glare, but I thought it was so pretty I couldn’t resist.

Shine on 🙂

Barbara

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Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by Barbara Scoville, LCSW in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

IMG_2351Three quarters of the miseries and misunderstandings in the world would finish if people were to put on the shoes of their adversaries and understood their points of view.  Mahatma Gandhi

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