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I CAN DO THIS!!!
Hey Everyone!
I hope you have had a great week since I last posted. Did you get the chance to read my re-blogged post on Mr. Rogers? I took a lot of time improving and updating it and would like you to take a look-see.
Also I re-blogged a post from Http://parentingandstuff.wordpress.com/ which showed a Ted Talk called What’s So Funny About Mental Illness featuring comedian Ruby Wax who has bipolar disorder. She delivers a poignant message with a cup full of sugar, and it is well worth the 9 minutes it takes to watch.
*Disclaimer* This post is raw and unedited. Spelling and grammar mistakes abound so beware… and be kind 🙂
For the past couple of weeks I have been working on two posts. One will remain in the shadows until it is complete, but I want to share with you my plan for the second.
This week I was going to write about how to get things done when motivation isn’t anywhere to be found. I had some specific tips that I have found helpful to both myself and my clients that I was going to share, but as I started asking the people in my life what is hard for them to get started on, I learned this topic is much bigger and too important for one post. Let me walk you through my thought process…
1. I looked over the list of tasks people told me they have difficulty getting started on.
2. Then I wrote statements I have heard in connection with each of the challenges. For example:
“Homework!!! I dread doing my homework. I don’t like what I’m studying and I can’t see the point. I’d rather be eating Oreos and playing Call of Duty” *Another disclaimer: The statements I have written are a combination of my voice and others. They DO NOT represent any one person.
3. As I looked at the different statements it became clear to me that underneath each challenge, there are multiple reasons for not being able to get started…or cause lack of motivation
4. Looking at each statement, I listed the possible barriers. Take the homework issue for example
-Not seeing the importance of the task
-Really preferring to do something else
–Hobbies consuming attention
-Not wanting to do it because of making the wrong choice of study
5. After doing this with every statement I noticed a pattern which was really enlightening
6. I grouped the patterns into categories and came up with 9 reasons (to this point) for why getting things done is hard.
8. I asked myself how can we overcome a problem if we don’t understand it? That would be like someone giving you an answer without listening to your question… or cutting a tree down with a butter knife instead of an axe. I’m sure there is a better analogy, but you get the idea.
…So I have decided to create an ongoing series called the “The Power to Do”, which I hope will do justice to this essential topic.
Stay tuned…and thanks for you interest. Everyday, anywhere between 20-100 people are reading this blog. I know you all have great ideas and I would like your help in making “The Power To Do” meaningful by sending your comments and more importantly, your suggestions. Talk to your friends and if you are so inclined, ask them to become a reader.
Hope this all made sense to you. If you have any questions, just ask.
Shine on 🙂
Barbara
I would like to add to your barrier list the one that is most prominent for me. “I have no interest in doing anything.”
I recently moved and there are boxes to be unpacked and organization to be done, but I just can’t get motivated to do it. I have several crafts in progress that used to be really enjoyable to me, but now I have no interest in doing them. I just don’t want to do anything but stay in bed and sleep. I’ve been there before.
Were it not for appointments that I have to go to, the knowledge that what I want to do is not good for me and could land me in the hospital, and knowing that my doctor and Barbara would not be happy with me, I could easily slip into that mode. Some days it takes all that I have to get up, dressed, and do something.
So as a suggestion, I think something like that should be added to your list. I’m sure that I’m not the only one who feels the way that I do. If fact, I would bet that’s a big one for most of us at some time or other. Personally, I’ll be looking forward to this addition to your blog.
Thanks Barbara. You are awesome.
Shirley, from your experience…please think about this and offer some suggestions that have helped you in the past. I know you understand that particular barrier very well and could really shed some light and advice for those others who are in the thick of what you are talking about. What would you tell a friend?
I got started on this earlier, but somehow i exited out.
Barbara, I think you think I can do more than I can or I’m worth. Like I’ve said before, you ask some of the hardest questions or things from me. That being said, I’ll try my best.
Those of us who feel this way have a hard time seeing any realistic or reasonable way out. When we are at the bottom of the very dark hole with extremely heavy weight on our shoulders, it does not seem possible for us to get out. I know there are maybe 100’s of you who feel this way. Even though we are too far down in the hole for anyone to reach us and pull us out, the first thing we can do is find someone who will listen and validate how we are feeling. Talk to someone. Open our mouths and get it out. That helps me at least even if only a little at times.
Quoting someone who just said this to me, “Depression is worse when you are verticle.” So starting from there, here I go. The first and worst thing that you have to do every day is get out of bed. I know there are days when that seems impossible. Sometimes it seems to take everything mentally and physically out of me to do it. In fact, I’m there right now almost everyday. I’ve been there when people have had to come to my house and get me out of bed, fed, showered, and dressed.
If you find yourself feeling like that, read the quote above. In fact, make a sign and put it somewhere where you will see it when you wake up and DO IT! I don’t mean to be crass, but at some point, you are going to have to get up to go to the bathroom. DO NOT GET BACK IN BED.
Instead, go get something to eat. Again, at some point, your stomach will tell you it wants food. Make it as healthy as you can, but if not, at least eat something. By this time your mind is saying, “I want to go back to bed.” Don’t listen. Instead, go take a cold shower or a warm one if you don’t need the cold to convince you. Of cource by then, you have to put something on so why not your clothing for the day.
Now, if you have to be to work or class by 8:00 am or even earlier, use everything you have left after getting up and ready to get you there. If you don’t, you may lose your job, get kicked out of school, or worst of all, have your family or loved ones angry and disappointed in you. When I’m not totally out of my mind, that is the worst possible thing to have happen to me, especially if they are like everyone else who says, “Pull yourself up by your boot straps.” The tongue can deliver the most painful of lashings.
These people may believe that and even say I’ve done it, but they don’t realize that there is a world of difference between feeling blue or situational depression and Major Depressive Disorder or whatever your diagnosis is. I know you all know what I’m talking about. That’s why you need someone who will listen and validate you.
The hardest times for me are when I have free time and especially at night. I’m tired from the day, and I don’t want to do anything. This may be the time when you are most tired, but also the time that it’s most important for you to gird up your loins, so to speak, at least mentally, and find something to do and DO IT!
If you have to, think back to those happy days before your illness started and remember, even picture yourself doing some of those things you used to do like read, watch TV, exercise, do a hobby, have a good time with your friends or loved ones. Bring back those memories and make them real today if not for just an hour or two. Maybe, you can even take it to the point of doing some volunteer work somewhere. Help someone else for a while, and you might just forget about your own pain for a minute.
The last thing that I am going to add will be me telling it like it has been for me. For the last 13 1/2 years, 9 of which I was working, the biggest motivator for me to get up and going was first my little children who needed me. Once they were gone and I was working, it was fear. The fear I spoke of earlier of having my family and those most important to me angry with me. If you are like me, I’m telling you, you are not alone. I hope that your motivation is on a higher plain than that. If you still have no motivation, go find it even if it’s to get out and see the sun.
Barbara, I don’t know if this is anything close to what you expected from me or if anything will be useful for anyone, but I hope it is. I think you know me well enough to know that I have dug deep into the well to come up with this. I may be able to say it, but living it is a whole different story.
Bottom line everyone, we all know how inexplainable the pain feels, but some how we have to find “THE POWER TO DO.”
Let me add two more things to think about or consider.
“It may be that walking along in that (this) path has not always been of the most pleasant character; but we have afterwards discovered that those circumstances which have been very unpleasant have often proved of the highest advantage to us.”
This is quoted from one of my favorite cards that I have picked from Barbara.
“I will remember that sometimes we don’t get what we want because God has something infinitely better in store for us.”
Wow! Beautifully said and Very helpful. It’s exactly what I was looking for. Thank you.
Shirly, that was very well put and exactly how I feel a lot. I love how you lay out how to get out of bed each day. I had never thought of it like that. I do get up to use the restroom or grab a bite, but then just go back to bed. If I force myself to get in the shower at that point, I would make it to work instead of staying in bed all day. Great thought, and hopefully very useful.
Jennifer, I’m glad I said at least one thing that might be helpful to someone. Making it from the kitchen to the shower is a big step, and even bigger is actually getting to work. I don’t know what you do for work.
I used to work at a front desk where I had tons of face to face contact with students and faculty all day. The days when I was so emotionally gone that I would cry at my desk during work and have to face these people with tears streaming down my face were horrible. As hard as it was to cry or fall asleep in front of the people I was supposed to be serving, I still got up and went to work.
It might be easier to cut your day into pieces. It sounds like you make it ok halfway out the door okay. Now just add one more piece. It’s actually three in one. That would be shower, dressed, and at work. If you make it that far, give yourself a big hand on your back. You will have added a big piece to your day. You’ve accomplished a lot. Get done what you have to, but when possible, let the rest of the day just slide.
Once you are on top of that much, add one more piece and so on. If we, any of us, look at the whole day, or project or whatever, we are lost before we even start. Break things up, and take one piece at a time.
Thank you for your validation to me.
Shirley
Sometime after writing my novel up there, I realized that I mixed up my verticals with my horizontals in the quote for getting out of bed. If anyone caught that, I hope you figured out what I really meant. Not only that, but I spelled vertical wrong. I’m terrible at spelling and punctuation so be patient with me please.
“Depression is worse when you are hortizontal.”
Shirley
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Hi Barbara, thank you for this helpful and insightful post. I am an intuitive coach and I assist people with issues concerning motivation, engagement with tasks and changing behaviour patterns regularly. Two things I’ve found to be effective are 1. Pairing up with someone with the intention of being each other’s motivation. We are often more able to motivate others than ourselves, so having a motivational buddy can work really well for both people. 2. Write down the task and break it down into smaller tasks. Make the tasks as small as you can so that the commitment required is minimal. Often, when my clients have issues with motivation, it is because they see the task as being insurmountable or because it seems to stretch out way into the future. By making components of the task smaller, you will feel that you have achieved something rightaway. If you feel like moving on to the next small task, great! I hope that is helpful, have a great day! xx
Thank you for your comment! Those are great tips.I like what you say about making it your “intention” to motivate your buddy.It clearly defines your role and gives it purpose.