24 Sunday May 2015
Posted in Caregiver's Storyboard, Emotion School, Mindfulness, Resilience
Tags
Aging, authentic self, Compassion, Courage, Emotion, empathy
The peony life cycle is not unlike our own
“Every stage of life is beautiful”
Barbara Scoville
13 Tuesday May 2014
Tags
Compassion, Grief, Loss, Sadness, Self Compassion, Tiny Buddha
Compassion
Greetings Friends,
As promised, here is the link to my latest post published on Tiny Buddha. It’s called, 7 Steps to Move Through Sadness (and What We Can Learn from it).
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-steps-to-move-through-sadness-and-what-we-can-learn-from-it/
17 Monday Feb 2014
Tags
altruism, Compassion, empathy, Friendship, Kindness, Sadness, Sorrow, Vulnerability
Compassion
Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion ~Buddha
26 Sunday Jan 2014
Tags
altruism, Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, Compassion, Kind words, Kindness, Relationships, Stanford University, Tiny Buddha, Tiny Buddha Facebook
Greetings Friends!
The post I wrote for Tiny Buddha posted on their website last Friday (www.tinybuddha.com). I’m not tech savy enough to make it appear in it’s entirity on this blog, so I have given you the link.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-improve-relationships-and-make-a-kinder-world/
I’m thrilled with the feedback I received. Over 2100 people liked it on the Tiny Buddha Facebook page and The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (Stanford University) re-blogged it. I hope you enjoy it 🙂
Until next time…
May you find your cup half full 🙂
Barbara
17 Friday Jan 2014
Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams
Sunday night we had a double birthday party for my son and daughter-in-law. The house was packed with family and though it was a happy gathering, chaos abounded.
Amidst the large crowd, we had three dogs in attendance, one of which was our puppy, Mr. Bingley. Bingley was in heaven, chasing the children and being the center of attention. Kids and puppies are a perfect combination.
However, several times during the evening, the little ones had to be reminded to be “soft” with our tiny 4-pound bundle of fur. It was interesting to observe that when reminded, the kids knew exactly how to adjust their behavior:
It wasn’t hard for them to change. They love Mr. Bingley and when they became aware that being rough might harm him, a transformation took place and little nurturers appeared. The chaos was replaced with a sweetness hard to describe.
Mr. Bingley
In contrast, on a daily basis I hear stories of people harming others with their words and actions. Some of it is intentional, but often it is not.
It’s easy to forget that human beings, despite our size, age, or level of success, may at times have only the emotional strength of a 4-pound puppy.
Unfortunately we don’t have super powers to look inside a person’s heart. Sometimes it’s easy to see when others are hurting but all too often people are wearing masks so that they don’t appear vulnerable.
We would be wise to remind ourselves often to be “soft.”
I am not a golfer, but I have friends who are passionate about the sport. I used to think golfing was about how “hard” you hit the ball.
My friends explained that it’s not how “hard” you hit the ball, but the arc of your swing and where on the ball your club makes contact. They said that a fraction of an inch makes all the difference in how far and where your ball will land.
In other words, a tiny adjustment makes all the difference.
Using that same analogy, consider the power of a tiny adjustment to your words and deeds, and how it could ease a soul.
Small acts of kindness might include…
A genuine smile
A gesture like a “thumbs up”
A compliment
A text to say “I’m thinking of you”
A plate of cookies or loaf of bread
A pat on the back or touch on the arm
Listening
Sitting next to someone who is alone
All of these are little adjustments. They don’t require physical strength or great effort. It’s a matter of arc or intention, and where you hit the ball that makes all the difference. Softness is the strength that is required.
Such little effort can be transformative on a very large scale.
How have you been touched by little kindnesses in your life? I’d love to hear your experiences.
That’s all for now my friends.
May you always find your cup half full 🙂
Love to all,
Barbara
17 Friday Jan 2014
Tags
Buddha, Charity, Compassion, empathy, Happiness, Kindness, Mindfulness, Peace, Pioneers of Peace, Resilience, The Power of Words
Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace. ~Buddha
16 Monday Dec 2013
Tags
Brené Brown, Compassion, empathy, Pain and suffering, RSA, TED, YouTube
19 Saturday Oct 2013
Tags
Caregiver, Caregiver Burnout, Caregiver Manifesto, Caregiver Support, Caregiver's Storyboard, Caregiving, Compassion, Courage, Dementia, health, Mental health, Role reversal, Senior Health
A Caregiver’s Manifesto
1. From here forward I will identify “Caregiving” as a clearly defined new role, and not as role reversal or any other negative associations I may have made with it in the past.
2. Caregiving is only one of the many roles I serve. I do not forget about my other roles such as: spouse, parent, friend, and employee.
3. I recognize that Caregiving is usually not convenient and therefore creates many conflicting emotions, ALL OF WHICH ARE NORMAL.
4. I clear my mind from all preconceived thoughts about Caregiving and accept each day for what it brings. This not only protects me from disappointment and discouragement, but opens me up to receive miracles.
5. I radically accept the physical and mental limitations of the person I am caring for. This allows me to direct much needed energy into productive thought and activity, rather then allowing my precious energy to be lost in a fantasy of how things “should be.”
6. I understand that to care for others I must first care for myself. It is a requirement for the physical, emotional, and spiritual energy needed to fulfill the role.
7. I understand that I alone am responsible for making time to take care of my needs. If I wait for the benevolence of others, I risk not getting my needs met, as well as feeling negative emotions such as hurt and resentment.
8. I accept help when it is offered even if my loved one opposes such help or I believe I can do it better.
9. Courage and Compassion are the attributes I am building.
10. I understand that pre-existing problems do not go away and if I need emotional help I obtain it.
11. I proactively look for tender mercies and miracles and capture them in writing to keep me balanced and reminded that I am not a victim.
12. I do not feel guilty when on vacation, spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or meeting my financial needs through working.
13. While I do what I can to ease my loved one’s burden, I know we are all responsible for our own happiness.
14. I respect my loved one’s ability to make their own choices whenever possible and make sure that I do not overstep by bounds when making decisions.
15. If my loved one is incapable of making choices, I base decisions on past conversations and what I believe they would want. In the absence of any such knowledge, I make decisions based on what I believe to be right along with the advice of other family members and professionals. When there is disagreement, the primary caregiver makes the decision.
16. I know my loved one is a multi-dimensional person with vast life experience, wisdom, interests, and strengths and weaknesses… just like me.
17. I am sensitive to my loved one’s need for privacy and do my best to preserve their dignity.
18. I do not blame my loved one for my feelings of loss and sadness. I own, validate, and take responsibility for my own emotions. I do not stuff my feelings, nor do I let them overpower me.
19. It’s okay to laugh.
20. I make mistakes and that’s okay.
This document is copyrighted. You have my permission to copy the pdf and share it with others for non-commercial purposes.
18 Friday Oct 2013
Posted in Caregiver's Storyboard, Resilience, The Power to Do, Wellness
Hello friends,
This weekend I’m heading to Las Vegas for Fall Break, but I want you to know I have completed the Caregiver’s Manifesto I promised I would write 🙂 It will post Saturday so be looking for it.
Love,
Barbara
12 Saturday Oct 2013
Posted in Caregiver's Storyboard, Pioneers of Peace, Resilience
Thank you Sophie Lumen for sharing this on your WordPress blog, “Feed the Beauty”
Barbara Scoville, LCSW 